Harry's Accident
by EvilMicella
Summary: *~*Done..maybe, heh *~* The trio are taking a trip to Sunny Beach, and mistakes can happen, right? Humor..and there is swearing! Hope you like it. Btw, none of the characters are mine, they are J.K Rowlings..lucky her..plz review
1. The Wierd

Harry's Accident It was Harry, Ron, and Hermione's day back to their 5th year of Hogwarts.. and if you look REAL close, you actually see warts!  
  
"Hey!! We have feelings to, ya know," The castle cried.  
  
"No, ya don't, " Narrator said.  
  
" FUCK YOU!!!" It screamed back.  
  
"Ok! " Narrator said, and went to a room and shut it.  
  
"Um.. well, anyways, here's the story that started out completly WRONG. OOO!! I'm gettin a big BUTT for Christmas!! " The castle said, walking.. I mean.. um.. staying where it's at, for if it moves, Professor Snape will fall off the top while he's hanging "Welcome Back" signs on the entrance.. wait.. MOVE, CASTLE!! MOVE!! FOR THE SAKE OF OTHERS, MOVE!!!  
  
THE ACTUAL STORY  
  
"Um.. Harry.. you didn't just see the castle talk, did you?" Ron asked, as they entered the entrance hall. " Cause the narrator has a point.. MOVE, YOU FUCKIN' CASTLE." and Ron started to push the walls, but, instead of moving them, he fell, head first, INTO them.  
  
"Oh, well. We saw that coming.. " Harry said, and walked away.  
  
"I need a hand," Ron said, and Hermione clapped. "Honestly, Hermione, that's old."  
  
" As old as your socks?" She replied.  
  
"I TOLD YOU! I CLEANED THEM ATLEAST ONCE BEFORE!!" Ron yelled, painfully getting up. They both went to sit next to Harry, who was falling asleep. Hermione and Ron knew why Harry was all tired up. He was chacing squirrels before the train left, but he didn't get rested up on the train, cause, somehow, a squirrel got into the train and Harry started to chace it, even if it went into other student's compartments.  
  
"Harry? " Hermione quietly asked. " You ok?"  
  
"You're momma!!" he yelled, and fell back asleep.  
  
"He's my momma! Ew.." Hermione said, moving over to Lavender and Parveti. Ron just sat their, looking at the wall. 'Facinating' he though. 'I never knew there was such a thing as a wall,' and went on to look at Dumbledore, who was getting up to make announcements.  
  
"As you know, Profosser Snape had gotton implants, and cannot be in any rush. I might remind you all to keep you're hands to yourself.  
  
" Secondly, Voldemort has not been caught, but, hopefully, will soon. Now, as a famous me once said, ' DIG IN AND KILL THE REST'" and everyone started to grabbed the food nearest them. Harry suddenly woke up, and fell off his chair.  
  
" I didn't do it!!!" Ron yelled, picking up some onions. " You know NOTHING!! "  
  
" Ron! Calm down. We're not blaming you for anything!" Hermione yelled over everyone.  
  
" Oh.. ok, then.. um.. carry on," he said, and threw his onions away, but accidentally hit Snape in the ..um.. chest. He started to scream and run around saying, "MY BOOB, MY BOOB!!!" Ron stood still, and looking around at everyone, who was staring at him, he got up and ran out of the hall. Hermione was still paying attention to her food.  
  
"Don't tell me you didn't see that coming, Harry?" Hermione asked, taking a sip of something that looked like..  
  
" BEER!! Hermione! You're drinking beer!" Harry jumped up, pointing at her.  
  
" N-no, I'm.. it's.. um.. let me explain," and she took a deep breath, got up and ran out, like Ron had done. Only, while she was going out the door, she ran into Snape.  
  
" MY BOOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he shrieked, and Hermione kicked him in the shins.  
  
" SCREW YOUR BOOB!!" She yelled, and ran out, while Snape looked at his boob and smiled. He ran into a closet. Harry got back up, and looked around for Ron and Hermione. 'Oh, happy for me' he though and rested his head on his hand.  
  
Later that day, Harry went to the Gryffindor common room to find Hermione and Ron yelling at each other.  
  
"I TOLD YOU, HERMIONE! I MENT TO THROW MY OLD SOCKS AT LAVENDER, NOT YOU," Ron bellowed.  
  
" WELL, GOOD AIM!!" Hermione bellowed back, and she threw a book at Ron. " READ THIS. IT'S ABOUT AIMING PRACTICE, AND YOU NEED." she ended when she saw Harry walk up.  
  
"What the fuck?" Harry said, bewildered. Ron and Hermione looked at each other.  
  
" Harry, we, as in the 5th years, are going to the Sunny Beach . . . um. . . Beach, and, well, since you now know, do you want to be in our group? " Hermione said innocently.  
  
" That's not about the fight.. " Harry started, but Ron cut in.  
  
" No, but it's why I threw the sock at Lavender. She wanted to be in our group, but we said no, and she, well, kicked me," Ron said.  
  
" That's no reason to KILL her with your smelly socks," Harry said, holding his nose. It smelled like there were 5 garbage cans of Snape sweat. That would kill ANYONE. " When is it?"  
  
" Tomorrow," Ron and Hermione said together.  
  
" Ok, well, see you tomorrow, then, I'm heading to bed," Harry yawned, and walked up the tower to his dorm.  
  
Yes, yes. I know, not very funny at the end, but I was out of ideas. That's why I ended it there for now. By next week or so, I'll have new and better ideas. As my friend OTiger once said, " I HATE YOU" Buh bye now. Next chapter will be, " The Trip" and if it isn't called that, well, you're very screwed. 


	2. The Trip

A/N: Ok, My NEXT chapter! Oh, and Thanks Dave for the help..u may not know it, but your fan fic helped me.  
  
Harry was getting into bed when Ron came in. He looked as tired as Harry felt. As Ron was getting into bed, it fell apart.  
  
"Ohh..about your bed. . ." Harry started, but before he finished, Ron's eyes were flaming, so Harry said, "Fred and George did it." Ron got up, went into the 7th year's dorm and Harry heard some crashes. He got up and ran to see what it was. Ron was beating the shit out of Fred, as George screamed like a girl. Wide-eyed, Harry watched Ron throw Fred to the ground, got out a gun, and shot him. It was no Harry's turn to scream like a girl and wet his panties. As fast as he could run, Harry flew out the portrait, and into the closest office of a teacher, and that would be Snape's.  
  
"Pro-professor! Ron's gone mad, and-" but before Harry could finish, he saw Snape putting on make-up and wearing a dress. Harry screamed like a girl again, and ran out the door. He suddenly stopped in front of Ron with his gun.  
  
" Hello, Harry. Join us!" and with that, a bunch of zombies came out of no where. Harry then relized that they were Hermione, Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Ginny, Fred, George, Lavender, Parveti, Padma and Cho.  
  
"NEVER!" He screamed, and turned to run the other way, but he couldn't. In front of him was a giant. . . FUZZY PINK BUNNY.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Harry cried, "ANYTHING BUT BEING EATEN BY A FUZZY PINK BUNNY!!! PLEASE!!!!" but the bunny at him whole.  
  
Harry jumped up from bed and looked around. He was all sweaty and hot. 'It was all a dream' he though. On his left, Ron was snoring, tangled in his blankets. Harry grabbed his dad's old invisibility cloak and ran to Snape's office. The sight he saw was horrible. His dream was a bit realistic. There was Snape, wearing a dress and putting make-up on. 'I actually saw that happining," Harry thought, and pinched himself. 'Yup, this is real, alright.' and he ran back to the Gryffindor tower and into bed. 'Best be safe' Harry thought again, and took a "Anti-Dream Pill" and went to sleep.  
  
Harry woke up with the sun in his face. He didn't want to open his eyes, but remembered the trip today. He opened his eyes, and in front of his was a FUZZY PINK BUNNY!!  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry screamed, rolling over, but fell head first onto the floor.  
  
"It's just me, Harry," Hermione said, laughing. She was holding a stuffed pink bunny, and Harry gave out a sigh of relief.  
  
"What the the hell?" Ron said, sitting up in his bed.  
  
"Nothing, Ronald Arthur Weasley," Hermione said, throwing a book at him again, but for fun and not learning. "Better get packing, boys. We're leaving in less than 2 hours." and with that, Hermione started to leave the room, but slipped on the rug. She jumped back up and said, "I'm ok!" and ran out. Harry got up and put some clothes on. He searched through every piece of clothing he had. 'What's the use in packing only some? I hardly have any clothes to start with' and he grabbed everything and jammed it in his bag. Ron, on the otherhand, was looking at each clothing seperatly.  
  
"Hey, Harry. Which would the girls like better? This, or this?" Ron said, holding up some swimming boxers. One was plain black and the other was checker colored.  
  
"Um. . .go with the black," Harry replied. He didn't have any swimming boxers, only one. It was a tanish color and was a bit big for him. Thanks to Hermione, though, she shrunked them into a perfect fit for him. When they had finished, they dragged the luggage down the tower stairs. About five times had Ron fallen over Harry, they made it to the bottom, where Hermione was waiting.  
  
"C'mon, you guys. We need to get good train seats. It's best going to be an hour or so until we get there," and Hermione grabbed her big backpack and flunged it over her shoulder, exiting through the portrait, but tripped on her way. Ron roared with laughter, but Hermione took a pair of sock and shoved them into Ron's mouth.  
  
"Merry Christmas," She said angrily, and went ahead of them as Ron pulled the socks out.  
  
"Hey, I was looking for these!" Ron said, happily, and stuffed them in his pocket. They ran as fast as they could to catch up to Hermione, but when they did, it was only because they were at the train.  
  
"Will the front do?" She asked them, and they nodded, too tired to speak. As they entered the train, the only people in sight were Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. Being as quiet as possible, they snuck into the first compartment, and Hermione closed it.  
  
"Will you guys please put my backpack on the top rack? I'm too short to reach," Hermione said, and sat down. Ron and Harry both sighed and lifted her backpack on the rack. Next was Harry's. It was an easily light luggage, but wasn't as light as Hermione's. Ron, now, had the heaviest. It took them 8 trys to get it on.  
  
"There we go," Ron said happily, but then it fell on his head. They decided to keep that on the seat. The door slammed open, and there was Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, in they're sneering looks,  
  
"Now look who's here early," Malfoy said, coldly. "Mudblood, Muggle Lover, and Scar face." Crabbe and Goyle roared with laughter, as Ron got up and reached for his wand. But by that time, Professor McGonagall came in.  
  
"Is there a problem?" She asked calmly.  
  
"Oh, no professor. Not at all," Malfoy replied innocently and beckond Crabbe and Goyle to follow, and McGonagall left. Ron sat down and crossed his arms.  
  
"I was really going to mess him up," he huffed. "Next time, he'll get it." and the train started to leave the station.  
  
  
  
DONE! This one took me a long time. Only because I decided to write it all in one day. But it was fun. Hope ya liked it. Next chapter will be called, "The Arrival". Review, plz!! 


	3. The Arrival and Ending

The Arrival  
  
A/N sry it took a while to get this thing up. My computer, as stupid as it is, wouldn't let me on since last weekend, so, yeah, and it may not be THAT funny as I hoped it would be. Too bad they didn't have a category called "insanity", cause that would be the one I'd put this under. It's far too insane for little children, lol, well, here it FINALLY is:  
  
  
  
The train ride to the beach was very.disturbing. Out the window, there were dancing hamsters, and fat old guys hugging a kid, who had a nametag that said, "OTiger". The next thing that happened was that Ron was making faces to pass time, but to save the world, his luggage fell on his head, knocking him out. Harry and Hermione just left him there. The train suddenly went to a hault.  
  
"We're HERE!" Harry said, jumping up, and hitting his head. Hermione looked at Ron, who was still knocked out, and Harry, who had his hand on his head.  
  
"You know, we're so screwed," Hermione said, shaking her head.  
  
After waking Ron up, which was pretty hard, they left out the train to the beach. It was one of the biggest ones Harry ever saw. While walking to find a place to settle, Hermione tripped over a small pebble, and went head first into the sand. She wasn't knocked out, but she didn't get up.  
  
"Well, this looks like a good spot," Ron said, setting the beach blankets next to Hermione. Ron smiled at Harry, and grabbed a handful of sand, dumping it on Hermione's head. She didn't even move or curse at him. Again, Ron smiled and poured sand all over her, until she wasn't seen.  
  
"Um, Ron? Are you sure you should be doing that? I mean, she could breathe in the sand," Harry asked.  
  
"As sure as I am with my potions," Ron said, as they headed for the water.  
  
"Oh, well, then, she'll live a long life." and Harry never said anything more on the way. There were a lot of kids from Hogwarts in already, but when they got there, the water was freezing cold. Ron, on the other hand, jumped in. He shivered a bit, but smiled.  
  
"C'mon, Harry! The water's fine!" he chattered.  
  
"Sure, maybe fine for penguins," Harry muttered, turning back, but he didn't get too far. Ron got out of the water, and threw Harry over his shoulders, and started to walk BACK towards the water.  
  
"Nooo! It's too cold to go in, I ca-" Harry started, but Ron threw him in. Harry could hardly breathe cause it was that cold. He started to shiver out of control, as Ron laughed, and got in himself, again. Dean and Seamus started to swim towards them, along with Parveti, Padma, Lavender, and Ginny.  
  
"Isn't the water great?" Dean smiled. 'What is with these people. It's FREEZING. Are they insane clowns called penny-wise??' Harry thought, but knew that they were that insane. Suddenly, Harry's foot was being tugged at by something. He couldn't see what that something was, but had a strange feeling it was a shark. He started to scream, like a girl, and swim away. But before he knew it, the thing that gotton hold of his leg, let go. Harry looked back to see Seamus rising from the water, laughing, along with everyone else. "That was bloody wicked! Did you hear him scream like a girl?" Lavender said, laughing uncontrollably, but her laughter stopped, as she looked at the water around her.  
  
"What is it, Lav?" Dean asked, looking around, too.  
  
"Doesn't the water seem a bit..warmer then it was?" She replied. Everyone looked at Harry, who just blushed.  
  
"Ewwww, Harry wet himself! RUN FOR IT!!" Ron screamed, getting ashore. Everyone else were stampeding there, too. Harry just stood there, too embarrassed to move, until a huge wave from out of nowhere hit him, carrying him out deeper than he wanted, until he couldn't feel th bottom of the ocean floor. Everyone at shore started yelling, but he couldn't hear them. He was too busy trying to keep his head from going into the water. The biggest problem there was is that Harry couldn't swim. He never learned, because his aunt and uncle never taught him, but for a reason. They hoped that one day, he would drown. 'Maybe that one day is today,' Harry thought, trying to stay above the water.  
  
Suddenly, he could barely see something in the sky. It looked like a person, but only a person. No helicopter, plane, anything. 'I'm seeing things,' he told himself, but he wasn't. As the thing got closer, he saw that it in fact was a human. But not just ANY human, but Professor Snape. He was flying because he inflated his BOOB.  
  
"Potter! Grab my hand!" Snape said. Frightened to do so, it took him while to get himself to. 'I'd rather live,' Harry thought, and grabbed on, as he was lifted from the water. As they got closer, everyone was clapping, though some where a bit disgusted by the inflated boob part. As Harry was lowered, everyone ran up and gave him a hug.  
  
"You're alive!" Ginny screamed, giving him a big hug. Harry smiled, and turned around to thank Snape, but he was gone. 'Well..all I can say is, that was pretty scary,' and he and Ron headed back to where Hermione was burried. Problem was. They couldn't remember where.  
  
"If anyone asks..you did it," Harry said, searching around the sand.  
  
"Found her!" Ron yelled to Harry, as he rushed over to where Ron was. Hermione seemed to be sleeping, because all she did was snore. There then was a horn sounded off. That ment that anyone from Hogwarts was suppose to board the train.  
  
"Hermione, wake up! We need to get back on the train," Ron said, poking her. She moved onto her side, a smile on her face, but still asleep. Harry slapped his forehead, and Ron shook his head.  
  
"Fine, we'll leve without you. It'll be pretty hard to find your way back to the castle, and not to mention it's high tide. The water's almost reaching us," Ron said, trying not to laugh. Hermione's eye flew opened, and she jumped back. Both Harry and Ron bursted out, laughing. The look Hermione gave them was priceless. She gave a sigh, and laughed with them, but then stopped.  
  
"Man! I wasted my whole time SLEEPING. Why didn't you guys wake me up?" Hermione asked them.  
  
"Well, we thought you'd wake up, considering you were underneath the sand. And when we got here, we kind of had a problem finding you," Ron said, still laughing like an idiot. Hermione threw a beach towel at him, covering his face.  
  
"Guys, we better get back to the train before it leaves without us!" Harry said, pulling his pants over his swimming shorts, and then pulled on a shirt, quickly gathering his things, as Ron and Hermione followed the suit. They ran to the train just before it left.  
  
"That was close!" Harry said, going into a compartment and falling in a seat. They decided it was no use putting their luggage on the racks, so they just let them sit in the middle, and they put Ron's in front of the door so that no one, like Malfoy, could enter.  
  
"What happened while I was asleep?" Hermione suddenly asked.  
  
"Well, Harry went out into what seemed like the middle of the ocean, and Snape had to rescue him by inflating his..boob," Ron said, a bit disgusted, but then he began to laugh, "but that was AFTER Harry had an accident in the water. Everyone ran away from him, and started calling it, "Harry's Accident". It was quiet funny."  
  
"Well, Harry, seems that no one's too old to wear diapers!" Hermione laughed, and Ron joined in. Harry sat there, smiling in embarrassment. 'This was going to be long ride home' Harry thought, shaking his head.  
  
A/N I'M DONE!! Dum dum dum! Well, this frankly is my only story where Ron doesn't fall in love with Hermione, and it's also the only one I have that is humor. The rest of my stories are mostly Romance/drama. If you want me to make more humor, I guess I can. I just need help with the funniness. Plz review!! 


End file.
